23 Reasons You Wish Danny Castellano Were Your Boyfriend

1. He’s a completely lovable crank.

(That rare breed of good-hearted grump, so abundant on TV, so exotic in real life!)

2. His smiles may be rare, but they are genuine, magnificent gifts.

3. He knows that TV time is no time for deep conversation.

4. He’s thought about emoji, and he’s got some opinions.

5. He’s going to make a great dad and/or babysitter for your friends’ kids.

6. He’ll only get in a physical altercation if it’s really, really important.

7. You know he’s not going to suddenly sail away or take up surfing in midlife crisis.

8. He’s a loyal, unwavering friend.

9. He’s not too proud to let himself be carried by another man.

And he has the one true appropriate feeling about marathons: hatred.

10. He’s a (wise, correct) sports fan.

This shows dedication.

11. He may be a natural homebody, but he’ll spiff himself up if you ask nicely.

12. He’s got a delicate touch with the frosting bag.

(And wears an APRON and little red READING GLASSES, my god.)

13. He will come over and build your Ikea furniture for you.

14. He’s not too cool to let it show when he’s a little scared.

15. He always makes sure to check in with his mom.

16. He’s a secret sweetheart.

Cheek kissing! An under-appreciated art.

17. He’s a great motivator.

And if he accidentally makes you cry in the process his apology will be really good and sincere.

18. He’s totally (almost) ready to listen.

Priorities!

20. He’s always just a little bit sweaty. (From being so hot. Haha.)

Just a LITTLE bit sweaty all the time is fine basically.

21. He does rumpled/masculinized work attire better than ANYone.

22. He is an inexplicably sexy dancer.

I don’t totally know what I’m looking at. I just know my mouth is open.