Sweet, sweet Ariana Grande, the innocent, high-ponytailed, doe-eyed child star is not so sugar sweet anymore, is she?
I dont know about you, but to me, it feels like the entire world is upside down. Its like were living in a bizarro, parallel universe or something.
Its about being sore from a BIG DICK.
That whole song is about riding leading to soreness, Grande told MTV News reporter Gaby Wilson on the white carpet at this past SundaysVMAs.
She added,Ride dick bicycle is the lyric, indeed to really drive the point (or shall I say thrust?) home.
What the hell? Upon first hearing this, I turned my nose up in the air, clutched my imaginary pearls with perfectly polished fingers and gasped.
I refuse to believe it,I snootily thought to myself.Not my Ariana.
But after a few listens on my trusted Spotify, I got a grip.
And now Im being smug about a song about being so sore from sex you cant walk?
GET OVER IT, ZARA. Stop being prim. That ship has longed sailed.
Fort the rest of the day, thoughts of being sore from vigorous sexbegan to invade my brain likes moths to a fluorescent bulb.
I might be nothing but a mascara lesbian who hasnt had sex with a dude in almost a decade, but that doesnt mean Ive never been sore from sex.
In fact, I would argue that lesbians probably get more sore from sex than straight girls because we use pretty big strap-ons that never get soft like real dicks.But thats neither here nor there.
Anyone engaging in penetrationwhether its from a store-bought dildo, a giant penis or lots of fingersinherently understands that certain sex positions go far~deeper~ than others (in a good way, of course).
Surely, our girl Ariana was singing about these sex positions that can make a girl far more sore than a SoulCycle class ever could: