The 90s and early 00s films were filled with so much wisdom.
1. Be excited that you’re only six years away from your 10-year high school reunion.
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Start choreographing an interpretive dance NOW.
2. Keep a diary with all of your inner-most thoughts and romantic plans.
Do not fall for any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomaniacs, chauvinists, emotional fuckwits, freeloaders or perverts.
3. Continue to only draw on your tattoos.
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In case they are forboden at your place of work (like a cheerocracy).
4. Make your resume stand out by printing it on pink paper and spritizing it with your fave perfume.
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It gives it a little something extra, don’t you think?
5. Be upfront with your feelings.
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You ain’t got time to be fake.
6. Always have something baking when entertaining in your new adult home.
Apparently this is a roll of cookies, NOT a burrito, but don’t feel limited by this.
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You may be saving someone’s life.
8. Have a diet consisting of burgers, fries, and diet cokes.
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ESP. when you’re due in Tuscon later for a business thing.
9. Be prepared for any question they may ask at a job interview.
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Beer pong and/or flip cup should NOT count as one of your strengths.
10. Stay brushed up on simple mathematics.
7 × 7 = 49
11. Make sure your laptop is *~*~unique~*~**
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A plain, black HP laptop? LOL THAT’S CUTE.
12. List spirit fingers as a special skill on your resume.*
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*Only if your job interview is indeed the audition for Pippin.
13. Always have a bunny costume at the ready for special occassions.
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14. *Snaps* if you have more than one!
15. Trouble in the dating world? Simple fix: bend and snap.
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After all, it has a 98% success rate of getting a man’s attention. And when used appropriately, has a 83% rate of return of a dinner invite.
16. Have a go-to party game, like suck and blow.
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Things at the office party are about to get REAL interesting.
17. Have personal pep talks before job interviews.
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18. Things getting out of hand at the bar? Just SING.
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Solar plex, Instep, Nose, Groin!
19. Appreciate that gone are the days of stuffing your bra for a more fuller look.
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Because now you are an alumni, flirty, and thriving.
20. Use post-its for any administrative need.
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Shout out Art Fry of the 3M Corp who invented them. (Sorry, Romy.)
21. Choose vodka during times of emotional crisis.
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22. Keep things trendy by having a versatile wardrobe.
FOUR ways to rock overalls and a button up? Color us impressed, Tai.
23. Remember you’re one in a million.
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You’re beauty, you’re grace, you’re Miss United States.
24. And of course, always have faith in yourself.
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You’ve already graduated, now it’s time to take on the world!