These are real headlines and happenings.
1. Hockey stick wielded in foiled Ottawa store robbery2. Canadian man stops bear attack by grabbing its tongue (How to fight a bear and win)3. Boater tried to climb aboard swimming moose4. African lion in Canadian zoo lays claim to be the best ice hockey player in the country5. Canadian Man Sorry for Chugging Eight Beers and Swimming to Detroit6. Hamilton football team suffers frostbites from frigid practice 7. 600 Barrels Of Maple Syrup Seized In Canada After Sticky Heist8. In $18 Million Theft, Victim Was a Canadian Maple Syrup Cartel9. Studio Buys Maple Syrup Heist Pic For Jason Segel10. Pot-smoking Mountie can’t smoke publicly in uniform
11. No Charges For Man Caught Smoking Joint At Yarmouth, Nova Scotia Traffic Stop12. BEER BREWING DIPLOMA LAUNCHED BY UNIVERSITY13. Olympic House Has A Beer Fridge That Only Opens With A Canadian Passport14. It’s so cold in Canada that residents are kicking in the doors of jails just to find somewhere to stay warm15. Ottawa testing $620K stealth snowmobile for Arctic16. Parts of Manitoba hit -53 C, colder than Mars17. Ottawa shoppers stocking up on banned British items like marmite and ovaltine18. In Edmonton, man buys 500 free coffees for unsuspecting Tim Hortons customers19. Lawyer: Client’s f-bomb not an insult because he’s Canadian20. Rogers is making big moves to control ever more Canadian media, taking over hockey rights21. Wild squirrel, muskrat, hare, deer and beaver to be served by Quebec restaurants22. Avril Lavigne, Jim Carrey ranked among most famous Canadians by MIT23. Drake Rocks Jacket with Retro Raptors Jersey Lining for ‘Drake Night’
24. Drunk Zamboni Driver: Joel Bruss Pleads Guilty To Drunk Driving 25. Poutine comes to McDonald Canada26. 2 porn channels need more Canadian content, says Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission 27. Hearing loud bangs in southern Ontario? It was likely an ‘ice quake’28. Two people injured in polar bear attack in Churchill29. Canada’s oldest ‘super-centenarian’ celebrates 113th birthday with beer30. Moose-eating shark rescued in Newfoundland harbour31. Couple Blows Bubbles in Minus 49 Degree Weather32. 11,000-pound ice truck created by Canadian Tire 33. Elk rescued after Christmas lights, candy canes get stuck in antlers34. Tim Hortons rolls out a long overdue fix for its burning hot cups35. Two boaters fined after harassing swimming moose in Northern Ontario
36. Polar Bear Triplets Frolic In Canada37. Deep freeze boosts Canada’s Icewine harvest38. Canadians Think New $100 Bills Smell Like Maple Syrup, Bank Of Canada Denies It39. Truckers go on strike amid wine, liquor shortage 40. Moose dies after stroll through B.C. grocery store41. Canadians favour sleep over socializing42. $4M of Cheese and Poutine Curds Lost in Factory Fire43. Bored New Brunswick horse climbs onto roof44. Quebec’s syrup monopoly helped spawn smuggling, prohibition style45. Moose attacks B.C. Mountie in police cruiser46. Shearling Coat-Wearing Monkey Found Wandering Around Canadian Ikea
47. North Vancouver bear snatches chicken meal before snoozing in a tree48. New app lets you track wait times at Timmies49. Avril Lavigne marries Chad Kroeger50. Charges coming as Niagara cops add cheese to smuggling probe51. Canadian Truck Explodes After Hitting Moose, Sets Off Fireworks Display52. Outpouring of support for Saskatoon mom who had apples stolen from tree53. Man Skating On Road In Icy Moose Jaw Past A Timmies54. Sex Toy Sales Up In Canada Due To NHL Lockout, Retailers Say 55. Steve Nash ordered to tweet only nice things to his ex-wife