Shit Stoner Betches Say: The Stoner Series

“This is kicked”

For a stoner betch, it's ALWAYS kicked.


“I’m hungry, but I know it's not real hungry, it's just high hungry”

“Where is my dealer and why the fuck is he always late?”

Because he is a drug dealer and therefore unreliable by character. He will respond to your first text immediately, but then when it comes to “where are you?” he’s less responsive than the SAB on a weekday.


“What should we watch?”

The ever daunting issue of high entertainment. Documentary? Comedy? My screensaver? Ah, life’s big choices.


“Where's the lighter?”

One minute it’s in your hand, the next it’s harder to locate than Bin Laden circa 2005.


“Should we smoke before or after we [insert activity here]?”

Scheduling your smoking is probably the most arduous aspect of being a stoner. Always stay one step ahead of your sobriety.


“What was I about to do?”

It’s been acknowledged that memory is not our strong suit. It’s fine though, what we lack in attentiveness we make up for in…high-ness.


“What were we just talking about?”

Read more: