“Seriously, who am I?”
1. When you wake up early on the weekend to work out.
2. When a telemarketer asks if you have 10 minutes to answer some questions and you say, “Sure.”
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3. When someone asks you if you’ve seen a movie and you say “yes” even though you haven’t.
“What? Why did I say that?”
4. When you send a flirty text to someone you just met.
5. When out of nowhere you use a slang term you’ve never used before.
“Uh, I don’t know why I just said that.”
6. When you order veggies as your side instead of fries.
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7. When you take an online quiz about a subject you don’t think you know anything about and ace it.
“18 out of 18? I’m a genius!”
8. When you spend the afternoon cleaning even though no one is coming over.
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9. When you tell someone you don’t even like, “We should get together soon!”
10. When you already feel drunk only halfway through your first drink.
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“Since when did I become such a lightweight?”
11. When you cry at a commercial and it doesn’t even have anything to do with babies or animals.
12. When you get into an impassioned argument defending a position you don’t actually care about.
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13. When you catch yourself singing along to a Nickelback song.
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14. Also, how do you even know the words?
15. When you go bowling and all of a sudden turn into a strike machine.
“Maybe I should join a league.”
16. When you eat an entire box of crackers, bag of chips, or pizza all by yourself.
“No one saw that, right?”
17. When you order a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks and can’t finish it.
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18. When you wake up after a night of drinking and discover all of the random stuff you bought online.
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“Green tea Kit-Kat bars from Japan and $150 worth of board games. Seriously, WTF?”
19. Also, all of the random stuff you DVR’d.
“A season’s pass to Naked and Afraid? Um, OK.”
20. When you find yourself saying something your parents used to say.
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21. When someone asks you for advice and you start telling them to do stuff you’ve never done in your life.
22. When you make a joke that is especially mean-spirited.
“Whoa. That was way harsh.”
23. When you start reading a book you don’t think you’ll like and end up obsessed with it.
24. When a random celebrity dies and you’re surprised by how depressed you get.
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“Apparently I freaking loved Mickey Rooney.”
25. When you’re on the dance floor and impulsively attempt a move you’ve never tried before.
“Did I really just…twerk?”