22 Things That Terrified ’80s Kids

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1. The “Scary Stories” illustrations

SomethingAwful.com

Stephen Gammell

 

The Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books by Alvin Schwartz, the first of which was published in 1981, aren’t really all that scary. The thing about them that made you sleep with a light on from third grade through yesterday were the accompanying illustrations by Stephen Gammell, which look like what creamed corn feels like: wet and cold and unnatural.

2. The Library Ghost from Ghostbusters

22 Things That Terrified '80s Kids

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Columbia Pictures / Via blogger.com

Misandrist icon.

3. Aughra from The Dark Crystal

22 Things That Terrified '80s Kids

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Universal Pictures / Via media.giphy.com

While it’s refreshing to have a good character that isn’t conventionally beautiful, Aughra looks just like her name sounds, namely: like what ends up in your sink after a bad morning cough.

4. The StoryTeller

Henson Associates

Henson Associates

Henson Associates

 

Everything from this 1988 Jim Henson-produced series was absolutely scarring.

5. The Crypt Keeper

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HBO / Via tumblr.com

Launched in 1989, Tales from the Crypt crept over many childhoods like fungus on a decaying house. And, yes, I am well aware that this show was never actually intended for children.

6. A Teddy Ruxpin doll when its batteries have run out

22 Things That Terrified '80s Kids

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Worlds of Wonder / Via doyouremember.com

A snuggly bear who just wants to be your friend… until the very end. Teddy Ruxpin was a very popular animatronic teddy bear — in fact, he was the best-selling toy of 1985 and 1986. Kids loved him! But when his batteries began running out, he’d transform into a maniacal fiend with lolling eyes and a mouth that hungers for child flesh.

7. Randy from Pee-wee’s Playhouse

CBS

Alex Alvarez/BuzzFeed

 

NOPE.

8. The trolls from The World of David the Gnome

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=5ATTi_gFa1c. Nickelodeon / Via youtube.com

The World of David the Gnome was a very sweet cartoon about gentle wood-dwelling folks that also featured awful trolls with cloudy eyes that starred directly into the darkest parts of your psyche.

9. The hallway scene from Return to Oz

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Buena Vista Distribution / Via thedailytop.com

Mooooom!

10. …and “the wheelers.”

Buena Vista Distribution

Buena Vista Distribution

 

Mommyyyyyyyyy!

11. Chucky

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United Artists / Via tumblr.com

This movie franchise ruined my childhood.

12. Freddy Krueger

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New Line Cinema / Via static.tumblr.com

Never sleeping again.

13. Hell as depicted in All Dogs Go to Heaven

22 Things That Terrified '80s Kids

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United Artists / Via i-mockery.com

This movie’s title is a lie.

14. Mommy Fortuna’s gruesome death in The Last Unicorn

22 Things That Terrified '80s Kids

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Rankin Bass / Via ITC Entertainment

This animated movie was pretty scary in general, featuring scary cats, scary skeletons, scary bulls, scary old men, scary hints at bestiality. But the scene that took the cake was the one where the evil Mommy Fortuna laughs as she’s about to be torn to shreds by a BIRD WITH BREASTS.

15. The goblins from The Labyrinth

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Tri-Star Pictures / Via tumblr.com

But how did their ruler get so hot?

16. The Watcher in the Woods’ mirror scene

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Walt Disney Productions / Buena Vista Distribution / Via onepagewonder.com

Do you know what’s scarier than mirrors? Literally nothing. This Disney movie from 1980 features Bette Davis, Kyle Richards, and PLENTY of weird mirror stuff.

17. Gremlins

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Warner Bros. / Via i.chzbgr.com

Please don’t forget that this movie, which features the stupidest teen “hero” in stupid teen hero history* and actual murder, was a PG-rated Christmas film.

*Like. You were told to do exactly THREE THINGS, you sack of mucus: never get your Mogwai wet, never expose it to bright light, and NO MATTER WHAT, never feed it after midnight.

And what do you do?

You get your pet wet. You expose it to bright light. And you feed it after midnight.

I hate you. I hate you so much.

18. The clown from Poltergeist

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

 

Nine times out of 10, building on an Indian burial ground results in clowns who want to maim and eat children.

19. Slap bracelets

Cheetah is the New Black

World Duh

 

First introduced in the late ’80s, slap (or snap) bracelets were equal parts fashion accessory and torture device. They usually came in the decade’s most iconic colors: purple, pink, and “rainbow cheetah print.” What ’80s kid doesn’t remember chasing people (or, alternately, being chased) around the playground with one of these dangerous fashion statements?

20. The Hugga Bunch

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=dW_Cv1Dd4f4. xtravaluemeal / Via EverythingIsTerrible.com

Just watch the video.

21. The King of Shadows from Rainbow Brite

The King of Shadows from Rainbow Brite

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LBS Communications Inc. / Via jedisparadise.co.uk

Rainbow Brite was an animated series and movie based on a Hallmark franchise (yes) that followed the adventures of a little girl who brought color to a colorless world.

Originally named Wisp (yes), Rainbow Brite earns her new name after defeating a terrifying, baby-snatching entity known as The King of Shadows. What he wants with that baby is anyone’s guess, but I seriously doubt he’s going to feed it gluten-free snacks and take it to baby yoga.

22. Howard

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Universal Pictures / Via tumblr.com

This 1986 Golden Raspberry Award-winning film, based on a surreal, sci-fi comic book character, followed the adventures of a horrifying space duck who definitely had sex with a human lady.

And finally…

Handi-Snack cheese

Handi-Snack cheese

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Josh Wilhelm / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: lifewithouttaffy

…if only in retrospect. Because. What is it?

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/alexalvarez/shovin-space-nuggets

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